Narrative

• Narrative used to be called “personal meaning”

• Narrative is deeper than mindset

• Mindset sounds like a choice; narrative is something you’re immersed in

• We are wired for story

• Most narratives are installed by culture, family, and experience

• Narrative surrounds us and eventually gets inside us

• Narrative shifting = reclaiming authorship

• Narrative change is straightforward but always upstream

Why action matters

• You can’t think your way out of a story

• You have to do your way out

• Once you do something, the story updates

• Example: polar plunge, biking across the U.S., post–knee replacement

• The body teaches the brain what’s true

Three brains

• Human brain (thinking, planning, future)

• Limbic / puppy brain (emotion, present moment)

• Robot brain (brainstem/cerebellum) = action + survival

• Robot brain decides what actually happens

• Resistance to change is protective, not weakness

• Change requires convincing the robot brain that staying the same is more dangerous

Fear vs danger

• Fear ≠ danger

• Modern fear is mostly cultural and identity-based

• Robot brain treats social threat like physical threat

• Fear makes people easier to influence and sell to

• Predators today are usually symbolic, not real

Emotion

• Emotions are guides, not jailers

• Flourishing ≠ no negative emotion

• Flourishing = ~5:1 positive to negative emotion ratio

• Negative emotions are necessary (fear, anger, contempt)

• Positive emotions must be cultivated

• Positive emotions are light/fragile; negative emotions are heavy

• Both are needed (sailboat metaphor: wind + keel)

Victim vs victimology

• Being a victim is not a choice

• Living in victimology is a narrative choice

• Harm doesn’t remove responsibility for healing

• Authorship begins where “I shouldn’t have to” ends

• What matters is what you decide to do with what happened

Private vs public narrative

• Private narrative always wins

• What you say to yourself runs behavior

• Public compliance without private alignment = stuckness

• Journaling and dialogue surface the private story

Old story

• Old story = off purpose

• Old story is “old” because it doesn’t move

• Filled with truthiness, cynicism, no alternatives

• Often sounds like: “There’s no other way to see this”

• Old story creates stuckness regardless of how long it’s existed

Experience as leverage

• People don’t change without leverage

• You must feel the cost of staying the same

• Experience creates repulsion toward the old story

• Robot brain needs proof that change is safer

• Staying stuck shrinks life over time

New story

• New story always starts with: “The truth is…”

• New story is:

  • on purpose

  • grounded in truth

  • inspires hope-filled action

• New story creates movement

• If it doesn’t create movement, it’s not done yet

Practices of narrative change

• Thinking → journaling (get it out of your head)

• Talking → dialogue (others see what you can’t)

• Doing → experiments (small, measurable actions)

• All three are required for enduring change

Journaling

• Brain is meant to think, not store

• Getting thoughts onto paper changes their power

• Consistency > intensity

• Short daily journaling beats occasional long sessions

• Always date entries

Change sequence (9 steps)

1. Purpose (who am I / what am I here to do)

2. Truth (what does my life actually say)

3. Choose (one area to work on)

4. Old story

5. Experience the cost of the old story

6. New story

7. Plan

8. Track/log

9. Recalibrate

• Most people start at step 7 — that’s why change doesn’t last

• Narrative steps come before planning

Being & doing

• Humans are built for both being and doing

• Lack of balance creates dissatisfaction

• Being = relatedness, meaning, care

• Doing = competence, agency, contribution

• A good life integrates both

Core takeaway

• You have already built your life through narrative

• Narrative shifting is reclaiming authorship

• Enduring change follows sequence, not shortcuts