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Question 1 of 5
Which of these do you think Dan Wile might call fighting and withdrawing?
Some of the most dangerous elements of a marriage, to be avoided.
Irritating elements that must be accepted
Problematic pattern, but doesn't need much attention as things will work themselves out.
Occupational hazards of being a couple
Question 2 of 5
Which of these would you guess are "facts of fighting?"
Fights are often a consequence of trying to keep the peace
Discussing and fighting do not mix. Often you have to a discussion and then a fight.
Fights lead to predictable spin off fights that are often worse than the original fight
Initial comments are often held back complaints and are exaggerated.
Initial comments are often just a rough draft; the actual concerns might come out in the argument later.
In a fight, it's best to express your negative feelings rather than report them.
Question 3 of 5
Which of these do you guess is the MOST accurate statement?
One partner in the marriage is likely to be too dependent and pursue engagement too much with the other partner
One partner in the marriage is likely to be too independent and try to distance himself/herself too much from the other partner.
If someone is a distancer, he/she should strive for closeness; if someone is a pursuer, he/she should strive for privacy and independence
It's best if pursuers and distancers "accept" their basic nature, and their partner's basic nature, BUT it helps to talk about the impact of that on each other.
Question 4 of 5
Which of these would you guess are facts about the pursuer/distancer pattern?
Neither the pursuer nor the distancer is getting his/her needs met.
This is a pattern that it is practically impossible to "solve."
The person who is currently in a situation where he/she is busier than his/her partner, usually pursues the other partner the most.
Couples who have an intense version of this pattern generally have no clue about how stuck they are.
Question 5 of 5
Couples have a pattern of dealing with difficult situations by using alternative approaches of "bypassing" and "non-bypassing." Which of these statements do you think is most true about this pattern?
Bypassers (the ones who deal with reality by trying to escape) are more immature than non-bypassers (who deal with reality by facing it).
This pattern is an extremely difficult one to manage
This pattern is particularly easy to deal with if partners adopt a non-accusatory focus.